its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
