Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
