When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
