He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
