Ambien. No doubt about it.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
