You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just high enough for therapy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
