Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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