I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
