the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
