so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
