So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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