the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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