so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
