I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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