The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
