one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
