This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
