My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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