Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
