Where is the hickey?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He kissed a someone with a penis
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
