i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
