we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she pinky promised me she was 18
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
