I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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