in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
