Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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