There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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