Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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