You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Houston, we have a blender
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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