No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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