foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
His nipple licking is glorious
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