He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
