i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
