Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
