My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
