He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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