I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
