those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
