I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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