I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
