remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
