i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
