Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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