I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
