his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
