Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
