I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
