You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
