I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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