Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
