Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
