I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
