Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i drank out of a bidet.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I stole a fireplace last night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
