Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
