If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
