they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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