guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
