i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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